Maša Dabić

Translated by Maša Dabić

1. The Economics of Desire / Ekonomija žudnje

   

   

   ENGSRP

   you know how my grandma was

   she looked after children in Herceg Novi

   he hit the walls with a spatula 

   the walls in the neighbourhood

   then she got married

    

   the winters were long

   the firewood was used up

   she lit a fire

   he hit her head with weaver’s shuttles

    

   wherever I go

   I say I am not from here

   I belong to the lowlands

   where the neighbours long ago

   buried a rotten egg on our side

   of the border,

   but not to the people who populate the lowlands

    

   in the first years of school I used to dream

   that they were coming after me to slaughter me.

   in later classes I dreamed of a B in mathematics

   at university I didn’t make a fuss

    

   at night I hear the glaciers melting in the north

   landslides that bury America beneath them

   serves them right!

   say the people from my village

    

   my breasts are still 

   as my grade in mathematics used to be

   the Petrović girl, a thin two!

   the teacher used to say when handing out the maths tests

    

   they still ask me about you, it hurts

   it’s much more painful

   than when they asked me at school

   which letter it is that I can’t pronounce

   oh you motherfuckers

   then go and say yourselves what you can’t say, I thought

    

   you will be rich

   that’s the way you’ve always acted

   but I didn’t tell you

   I’ve always dreamt that you’d walk towards me

   where even the bourgeois go empty-handed

    

   I have always wished

   you to come into my arms

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   znaš kakva je bila moja baba
   čuvala je decu po Herceg Novom
   on mlatio mistrijom
   po zidovima u komšiluku
   pa se udala

    

   zime su bile duge
   kubici drva se pogoreli
   ona je palila vatre
   on tresao čunkove o njenu glavu

    

   gde god sad da odem
   kažem nisam odande
   pripadam poljani,

   tamo gde su komšije odavno

   zakopale mućak sa naše strane međe,
   ali ne i ljudima koji su je naselili

    

   u nižim razredima sam sanjala
   kako me jure da me kolju
   u višim četvorku iz matematike
   na fakultetu nisam dizala bune

    

   noću čujem topljenje glečera na severu
   klizišta kako zatrpavaju Ameriku
   tako im i treba!
   govore ljudi iz mog sela

    

   grudi su mi i danas
   kao nekad ocena iz matematike
   Petrović, mršava dvojka!
   rekla bi nastavnica dok deli zadatke

    

   i dalje me pitaju o tebi, to boli
   mnogo više nego
   kad su me u školi pitali
   koje slovo ne znam da kažem
   pa pička vam materina

   recite vi ono što ne znate, mislila sam

    

   bićeš bogat
   kako si se stalno i ponašao
   a nisam ti rekla
   oduvek sam maštala da kreneš ka meni
   onde gde i buržuji kreću praznih ruku

    

   uvek sam želela
   da dođeš u zagrljaj

2. Mountain on fire / Planina u plamenu

   

   

   ENGSRP

   Daddy, in this daughter you have a little bit of a son

   that you have wished for so much

   not only in the way I walk

   or dance to the songs of Sinan Sakić

    

   at times the blood of my forefathers flows through me

   my elders who killed their wives

   and took the neighbours’ kids from the cherry tree with their rifles. 

    

   maybe I, too, could

   harness the oxen early in the morning

   and build up something that 

   I’ll smash to bits later

    

   what drives a man to take a hammer

   to attack his own dreams? 

    

   I could wake up and say

   wife, prepare me a roast chicken for lunch.

   today I don’t want to work

   I dreamt I was God

    

   Daddy, in this daughter you also have 

   a bit of a son who was not born

    

   saved was a woman

   of male blood full of crowbars

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   tata, u ovoj ćerki imaš pomalo sina

   kog si mnogo želeo

   ne samo u načinu na koji hodam 

   ili igram uz pesme Sinana Sakića

    

   nekad kroz mene prostruji krv predaka

   onih što su ubijali svoje žene

   puškom skidali komšijsku decu s trešnje 

    

   možda bih i ja mogla 

   rano da upregnem volove 

   dugo gradim ono što ću kasnije

   da polupam

    

   šta to natera čoveka da krene

   na sopstvene snove čekićem?

    

   mogla bih se probuditi i reći

   ženo, ispeci mi kokošku za ručak

   danas ništa neću da radim

   sanjala sam da sam Bog

    

   tata, u ovoj ćerki imaš pomalo sina

   koji se nije rodio

    

   spašena je jedna žena 

   muške krvi po kojoj plivaju ćuskije

3. I am a Serbian girl, but Kosovo is not in my heart, you are / Srpkinja sam, al’ mi Kosovo nije u srcu, nego ti

   

   

   ENGSRP

   Dad first blamed the grandfather

   because granddad neither wanted to join

   the chetniks

   nor the partisans,

   so he ended up being chased by both the one and the other

    

   then he blamed the president

    

   always blamed America

    

   here you had to go to war if you didn’t have 

   any connections within the draft board

    

   Mr. General

   we would have won the war if only you had known

    

   a woman in love

   is more dangerous than a NATO tank

    

   her missile defence

   she carries in her breast

    

   her hips are always

   in fighting position

    

   She is lucky enough 

   not to step on a mine with her heel

    

   for God’s sake, man, why don’t you just get some sleep

    

   regarding the Kosovo problem

   Mr. General

    

   peonies bloom

    

   in my pants

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   tata je prvo kukao na dedu

   što nije hteo

   ni u četnike 

   ni u partizane

   pa su ga ganjali i jedni i drugi

    

   onda na predsednika

    

   uvek na Ameriku

    

   ovde se u rat išlo ako nemaš 

   vezu u vojnom odseku

    

   generale

   pobedili bismo da si znao

    

   jedna zaljubljena žena

   opasnija je od NATO tenka

    

   protivraketnu zaštitu

   nosi u grudima

    

   bokove uvek drži

   u borbenom položaju

    

   sreće ima toliko

   da štiklom ne potrefi minu

    

   pobogu čoveče, naspavajte se

    

   u vezi s kosovskim pitanjem

   generale

    

   božuri cvetaju

    

   u mojim gaćicama

4. I dream of my father and knives, knives, knives / Sanjam oca i noževe, noževe, noževe

   

   

   ENGSRP

   I remember we were listening to the news together: 

    

   in Montenegro, a bill had been introduced 

   for same-sex marriage 

    

   when you got up, you made the sign of the cross and said

   Montenegro, now you are even more black 

    

   again you blamed America, but, Dad, 

   unlike Lidl, love is not something coming from the West 

    

   You will go to all the miracle healers, only to save me

    

   It won’t help though, I will still be thinking of her

   while you will be thinking of the woman you usually think of

   when we listen to the songs of Šaban Šaulić

    

   hey, Daddy, you’re gonna have a gorgeous daughter-in-law

    

   this badass of a girl knows how to shoot

   you can flip the apple sky high

    

   yes, Daddy, you’ll have a daughter-in-law, 

   if not a son

   you see, it goes to show just how creative God is

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   sećam se, zajedno smo slušali vesti:

    

   u Crnoj Gori donet predlog zakona

   o istopolnim brakovima

    

   kako si ustao, prekrstio se i rekao

   Crna Goro, postala si još crnja

    

   opet si psovao Ameriku, ali, tata

   nije ljubav Lidl da dođe sa Zapada

    

   obići ćeš sve vračare da me spasiš

    

   nema vajde, ja ću misliti o njoj

   ti o ženi na koju inače misliš

   kad slušamo Šabana Šaulića

    

   hej, tata, imaćeš divnu  snaju

    

   ta delija devojka  zna da puca iz puške

   možeš u nebesa da vineš jabuku

    

   da, tata, imaćeš snaju  iako nemaš sina

   vidiš koliko je domišljat Bog

5. All I want is someone to dismantle my Dad’s tractor with in peace and quiet / Samo želim nekog da rasklopimo traktor mog oca u tišini

   

   

   ENGSRP

   I am a ladykiller-girl

   I carry a penknife in my pocket

   and wires in my bra

    

   I took a mortgage on my heart

   wanted to build a house together

   now I’m not even sure

   if any of those people had ever loved me

    

   but I let the past be past

   I, Daddy, am the first one to break through the blanket of snow

   and blossom, like hellebore

    

   I was picky about food, I got up late

   nothing will ever come of the likes of you, you said

    

   but do you know, Daddy, what kind of woman I will be

   as strong as e-mail passwords

   I won’t wear make-up, I’ll have a healthy diet

   on my forehead it will say “organic”

    

   at night I will walk around alone

   I’ll be a girl like yarrow

   a woman you would never want to marry

    

   I will survive when lightning strikes

   in substations, when the news anchor says

   do not leave the house without necessity

   and when pensioners break their hips on the pavement

    

   I am alone, Daddy, for I am a girl like sharp crowfoot

   I am balm when you press me to the skin

   but if you keep me for too long, I’ll crack open your wound

    

   I am a fresh plant, Daddy, and I am the dry plant 

   in the attic waiting for you to pour the tea

    

   alas, I never had the feeling that I was

   Mother’s or your delicate little plant

    

   but, I have forgiven

    

   the tractor started at dawn and returned

   when it became dark

    

   it was not the time

   but my parents who have worked hard for me

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   ja sam šmeker-devojka

   imam perorez u džepu

   i žice u brushalteru

    

   stavljala sam srce pod hipoteku

   htela da gradimo dom

   sad nisam sigurna

   da li me je iko od tih ljudi voleo

    

   ali pustila sam prošlost da to i ostane

   ja se, tata, prva  probijam  kroz sneg 

   i cvetam, kao kukurek

    

   birala sam hranu, ustajala kasno

   nema od takvih ništa, govorio si

    

   a znaš kakva ću ja, tata, biti žena

   jaka kao šifre na imejlu

   neću se šminkati, hraniću se zdravo

   na mom čelu pisaće organik

    

   noću ću hodati sama

   biću devojka-hajdučka trava

   onakva kakvu nikad ne bi oženio  

    

   opstaću kad gromovi udaraju

   u trafostanice, kad spiker govori

   ne izlazite bez preke potrebe

   a penzioneri lome kukove na trotoaru

    

   sama sam, tata, jer ja sam ljutić-devojka

   melem, ako me prisloniš na kožu

   a kad me držiš predugo, otvaram  rane

    

   ja sam sveže bilje, tata, i suvo sam bilje

   na tavanu koje čeka da pristaviš čaj

    

   samo nikad nisam osetila da sam 

   majčina ili tvoja dušica

    

   ali, oprostila sam

    

   traktor je startovao u zoru i vraćao se

   kad padne mrak

    

   nije vreme 

   za mene su naporno radili moji roditelji