Hana Samaržija

Translated by Hana Samaržija

1. Aubade / Aubade

   

   

   ENGHRV

   Aubade is a buffalo

   It unwraps its horns like a lotus

   and water is dew, strewn with a faint

   twist of the neck. This mist forms a thin

   dense layer of fur that trails its spine

   like a white deer trails traffic

   when it is snowing

   The white petals of a lotus

    

   or

   white blood cells, like pearl necklaces

   which hang from roofs when it turns cold

   Aubade rushes and races with its brief

   darting haste

   like the life of a white rabbit

   and other white animals

    

   Aubade: the only part of the scene that is brown

    

   Everything else is white, wherever

   the round rifle of the eye

   beneath its thin frosty membrane

   can perform the splits

   Brown is only a tree with four roots

   and two branches

    

   I do not know why, but aubade

    

   reminded me of the juggler

   who waits for the traffic lights

   to turn green. He then hurls

   dusty tennis balls

   ball by ball

   like large, smooth walnuts

   dum

    

   If one were to drop on the road

   it would roll beneath a car waiting for its mark

   and ruin the day

   This way, there is no mistakes

   No mud on the hands

    

   My love is

   a hunter that aims

   for the empty space between the horns

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Aubade je bizon 

   Rastvara svoje rogove kao lopoč

   a voda je rosa ishlapjela uslijed pokreta vrata

   prema gore

   Ta izmaglica skuplja se u uskom

   uzdignutom sloju krzna koje prati kralježnicu

   kao bijeli jelen cestovni promet

   kad pada snijeg

   Bijele latice lotosa

    

   ili

   bijela krvna zrnca kao niske od bisera

   koje vise s krovova kad je hladno

   Aubade-dah zaleti se i pojuri svojim kratkim

   strelovitim letom

   moguće kao život bijelog zeca

   i ostalih bijelih životinja

    

   Aubade: jedino je on u cijelom prizoru smeđ

   
   Sve je ostalo bijelo, svugdje

   gdje god malena puška oka

   presvučenog tankom mrazovom opnom

   može načiniti trapez

   Jedino je smeđe stablo s četiri korijena

   i s dvije grane

    

   Ne znam zašto, aubade

    

   me podsjetio na žonglera

   koji čeka da se na pješačkom prijelazu

   pojavi zeleno svjetlo

   Zatim počne bacati u zrak

   prašnjave teniske lopte

   kuglu po kuglu

   nalik na velike, pretjerano pravilne orahe

   tup

   Kad bi bar jedna ispala na mokru cestu

   otkotrljala bi se pod haube auta

   koji čekaju znak da krenu

   i dan bi bio osiromašen 

    

   Ovako, nema greške 

   Nema blata na rukama 

    

   Moja je ljubav

   lovac koji nišani

   u prazan prostor između rogova

2. The Time of Long Recovery / Vrijeme dugog oporavka

   

   

   ENGHRV

   We’ve reached the age when maturity

   has nothing to do with years:

   birds communicate

   by aping heavenly bodies

   with their movement

   Frogs roam the seas

   by using their silky films

   as sails

   My seven days of solitude went as follows:

   on the first day, I didn’t realize I was alone

    

   On the second day, my routine

   proceeded as usual

   I ate nothing

   and slept little

   cooked a soup from your shirt

   should I have to welcome some guest

   I ended up using it to clean the windows

   which trumps

   hurling an insult towards the door

   the door that welcomes no visitors

   the door that is locked

   sown in the warm walls of my stomach

   a hedgehog's home, swallowed

    

   When, on the third day, I realized I was alone

   the fish got scared and gathered into a flock

   They held a meeting and decided

   to proceed living as silver bats

   They’ll fly towards the light, close their eyes

   and count the days with the sensors in their throats

   I decided to remain alone

   and embrace this state

   as the time of my long recovery

    

   I don’t remember the fourth day

    

   I remember the fifth day well

   but prefer not to talk about it

    

   On the sixth day, I decided:

   I will be alone

    

   And indeed, the seventh day

   Like ice cracking in my knees

   in my thanks

   in me-spider's knuckles

   who resembles a dog

   in me-fox's teeth

   who resembles a wolf

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Došli smo u godine u kojima zrelost

   nema veze s godinama:

   ptice se sporazumijevaju tako da kretanjem

   oponašaju putanje

   nebeskih tijela 

   Žabe plove morima

   koristeći svoje glatke grlene opne

   kao jedra

   Sedam dana samoće proteklo je ovako:

   prvog dana nisam ni shvatila da sam sama

    

   Drugog dana, svakodnevica

   je bila uobičajena

   Nisam ništa jela

   i malo sam spavala

   skuhala sam juhu od tvoje košulje

   za slučaj da na vrata pokuca neki gost

   Na kraju sam njome oprala prozore

   bolje je tako nego da bacim

   kakvu uvredu u smjeru vrata

   vrata kroz koja nitko ne prolazi jer sam to zabranila

   vrata koja su zaključana

   zašivena u topli zid mojeg želuca

   progutana ježeva kuća

    

   Trećeg dana, shvatila sam da sam sama

   Ribe su se uplašile i okupile u jato

   Održale su sastanak na kojem su odlučile

   da će od sutra živjeti kao srebrni šišmiši

   Letjet će prema svjetlu, zatvoriti oči

   i brojati dane senzorima koje nose u grlu

   Odlučila sam ostati sama

   i prigrliti svoje novo stanje

   kao vrijeme dugog oporavka

    

   Četvrtog se dana ne sjećam

    

   Petog se dana dobro sjećam

   ali radije o njemu ne bih govorila

    

   Šestog sam dana odlučila:

   bit ću sama

    

   I doista, sedmi dan

   Kao da puca led u mojim koljenima

   u mojim zahvalama

   u člancima mene-pauka

   koji nalikuje na psa

   u zubima mene-lisice

   koja nalikuje na vuka

3. The Photograph of a Duck / Fotografija patke

   

   

   ENGHRV

   I photographed a duck

   that stood on a wooden trunk

   to show you the duck and the trunk

   or to say: there was a duck

   I spend the rest of the day applying make-up

   and then watching myself

   observing myself from the distance, until I

   recognize myself, and wave hello

   When I am done, I say: this is a mouth

    

   or, this kind of mouth:

   and I immerse my lips into a large pomegranate

   and say Pomegranate

   there was a pomegranate

    

   this kind of pomegranate

   and then swallow it whole

    

   I only appear for myself

   and these acts entail storms

   from a low sky of treetops

   locusts and crickets

   They are actually the same creature

    

   only one had long lost its cry

   when it buried it in the earth

   to shelter it

   and then forgot it

    

   Green on the eyes, red on the lips

   the other held on to its cry

   and got a badminton racket

   a racket like the one which we

   as children, used to strike flying beetles

   and some used to, after knocking them down

   halve them with the racket’s edges

   crooking its rims

   and ripping its net

    

   but not me

    

   This morning, the duck ate pomegranate

   Or, it had yesterday hatched that pomegranate

   It was red

   with a red beak and a red tail

   it was as green

   as a locust, a cricket

   as red and as green as meat sitting on grass

    

   In all countries

   today is Sunday

    

   The day is as standard

   as the wounds on the knees

   elbows

   calves and thighs of the girls

   playing football

   on a mine field

   in grass rising above their waist

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Fotografirala sam patku

   koja stoji na drvenom trupcu

   da ti pokažem patku i trupac

   ili da kažem: bila je patka

   Ostatak dana nanosim šminku na lice

   pa gledam u sebe iz daljine dok se ne prepoznam

   i onda si mahnem

   na našem jeziku kažem si

   dobar dan 

   Kad se dovršim, kažem: ovo su usta

    

   ili, ovakva usta:

   i uronim usne u sjemenke velikog nara

   i izreknem Nar

   bio je nar

    

   ovakav nar:

   i onda ga progutam

    

   Pojavljujem se samo za sebe

   i te izvedbe prate pljuskovi

   skakavaca i zrikavaca

   s niskog neba krošanja

   Oni su zapravo isto stvorenje

    

   samo što je jedan davno izgubio plač

   kad ga je zakopao u grudi zemlje

   da ga sačuva

   i onda zaboravio

    

   Zeleno na očima, crveno na ustima

   drugi je zadržao u sebi svoj plač

   i nabavio reket za badminton

   reket nalik na onaj kojim smo

   u djetinjstvu udarali hruštove koji lete

    

   i neki su ih, kad ih sruše na pod

   još polovili rubom

   kriveći tako obruče reketa

   i trgajući njegove žice

   ali nikako ne ja

    

   Patka je jutros jela nar

   Ili, patka je jučer snijela taj nar

   Bila je crvena

   crvenog kljuna i crvenog repa

   Bila je zelena

   kao skakavac, zrikavac

    

   crvena i zelena

   kao meso koje sjedi na travi

    

   U svim je zemljama

   danas nedjelja

    

   Dan je standardan

   kao rane na koljenima

   laktovima

   listovima i bedrima djevojčica

    

   koje igraju nogomet

   na minskom polju

   u travi višoj od njihovog struka

4. Iceland / Island

   

   

   ENGHRV

   I will move to Iceland

   like a flock of birds

   like two bales of wheat

   treading under the sun

   to exhaustion, their skin

   yoked to vertigo

   with soft ribbons
    

   I say: it's reliable

   this doesn't mean: safety

    

   this does mean:

   my body is bound

   and I am floating

   like an amoeba

   as free as

   a life belt

   without a

   drowning man

   to rescue

    

   This empty core

   is Iceland:

   my need

   to be warm

   and thrown into water

    

   my desire

   to see you

   blown up by a bomb

   from my stomach

    

   my hands

   hold binoculars

   watching me from the shore

   in an explosion

   inviting me

   to forget my name

    

    

   *

    

   Iceland.

   The desire to become cold

   To only have sterile thoughts

   and mouth simple sentences

   to mount a rock of wet salt

   and eat plain oatmeal

    

   to wear thick woolen socks

   to forsake human touch

   and, once a month, to visit

   white foxes

    

   I would like an eternal Winter

   I would like my room's yard

   to become her empire

   I would sprawl on her cushions

    

   and have her tell me that, in her youth, she

   would sit on the chest of young men

   and stay with them

   until they ran

   out of breath

    

    

               *

    

   I am sending you a letter from Iceland:

   here everything is white

   like the clouds I captured

   from the airplane window

   when I came to see you

    

   During the day, the sky seems

   like the North pole

   You cannot see the ground

   During the night, the soil

   looks like a web of stars

    

   I omit the brown details

   I lie it snows

   In the end, I don't send the letter

   I don't begin hating the world

   I don't curl into bed naked

   and I don't cry

    

    

   *

    

   Your core is tiny

   flushed, soft, smooth tissue

   beneath a pile of knives

    

   On a white morning

    

   I will draw them one by one

   like nails from a tent

   and stab them in the foreheads

   of those who exposed you

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Otići ću živjeti na Island
   kao jato ptica, dva snopa žita

   koja hodaju po suncu

   do nesvjestice, kože

   mekim uzdama upregnute

   u vrtoglavicu
    

   Kažem: pouzdano je
   ne znači: sigurnost

   
   znači:
   tijelo mi je svezano
   i plutam kao ameba
   slobodna

   kao pojas za spašavanje
   bez čovjeka

   koji se utapa
    

   Taj je prazan centar
   Island:
   moja potreba

   da budem topla
   bačena u vodu

   
   moja želja

   da te vidim
   raznesena bombom
   iz mog trbuha

    

   moje ruke

   drže dalekozor

   i gledaju me s obale

   u eksploziji

   koja me zove

    

   da zaboravim svoje ime

    

   *
   Island
   Nakana da se postane hladna
   Da imam samo sterilne misli
   i izgovaram samo jednostavne rečenice
   da se nasučem na kamen mokre soli
   i jedem nezačinjenu zobenu kašu

   
   nosim debele vunene čarape
   odreknem se blizine ljudi
   i jednom mjesečno posjećujem
   bijele lisice

    

   Voljela bih vječnu zimu

   da je dvorište moje sobe

   njezino carstvo

   i da legnem na njene jastuke

    

   da mi priča kako je u mladosti

   sjedala na prsa mladića

   i s njima ostajala

   dok im ne ponestane

   zraka u plućima 

    

   *

   Šaljem ti pismo s Islanda:

   ovdje je sve bijelo

   kao na snimci oblaka

   kroz prozor aviona

   kad sam ti dolazila

    

   Tijekom dana, nebo se činilo

   kao da je Sjeverni pol

   Zemlja se nije vidjela

    

   Po noći, tlo prizemljenja

   izgledalo je kao zvjezdana mreža

    

   Prešućujem smeđe detalje

   Lažem da je padao snijeg

   Pismo na kraju ne pošaljem

   ne počnem mrziti svijet

   zavučem se gola u krevet

   i ne plačem 

    

   *

   Tvoja je jezgra malena

   rumeno mekano glatko

   tkivo pod hrpom noževa

    

   Jednoga bijelog jutra

    

   izvući ću jednog po jednog

   kao klinove šatora

   i zabosti ih u čela ljudi

   koji su te razotkrili

5. Tracing Straight Lines / Pravilne linije

   

   

   ENGHRV

   Yellow inertia of arrival

   of fruits, apples, pears

   sprouted from a stone that was dug in like a heel

   swam out of water

    

   All fruit is yellow

   and appears only in hints

   thickness of noon approaches us like a tame train

   regularly, with delicate deviations

   and warns us to be careful

   with mild smiles

   clean surfaces, and heated steel hearts

   ready to smother snakes with shovels

   and to seek them under every stone

    

   She has fireproof hands, and

   hides them in the oven like a snake hides its legs

   stretches her neck, scalp and chin tracing straight lines

   and searches the sky for scars

   coming out the backs of planes

    

   She can't burn herself on me

   she can't learn my name

   Our irises are fixed within eyelashes

   that calibrate like flower buds

   buds of May

   escorting heads and tails

    

   I'm so happy to have you

   you stole a part of the car so nobody could drive it

   and now you are hitchhiking, wondering

   whether it was worth it

    

   Your grassy tongue hides lies

   sweet, summery slights that enable you to love me

    

   When you melt my name in your mouth

   I’d swear it's not my name

   When your mouth kisses my cheek

   I’d swear it's not my cheek

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Žuta tromost dolaska

   plodova drveća, jabuka, krušaka

   izniknula je iz kamena ukopanog kao peta

   isplivala iz vode

    

   Svo je voće žuto

   i pojavljuje se samo u naznakama

   Debljina podneva prilazi nam kao pitomi vlak

   redovito, s blagim odstupanjima

   i upozorava nas da moramo biti oprezne

   blago nasmiješene, čiste površine

   i metalnog, zagrijanog srca

   spremne da motikom zatučemo bjelouške

   i u pretrazi prevrnemo svaki kamen

    

   Ona ima vatrostalne ruke

   skriva ih u pećnici kao zmija noge

   isteže vrat, tjeme i bradu slijedeći pravilne linije

   Prati na nebu male ožiljke

   ispuštene iz stražnjice aviona

    

   Ne može se na mene opeći

   ne može mi saznati ime

   Zjenice su nam fiksirane, uokvirene trepavicama

   koje kalibriraju kao pupoljci

   pupoljci svibanjski

   pogledom ispraćaju noge i glave

    

   Tako sam sretna što te imam

   ukrala si dio auta samo da ga ne može nitko voziti

   i sad autostopiraš, misleći što li mi je

   sve to trebalo

    

   Travnati ti jezik skriva laži

   slatke ljetne preinake kako bi me više voljela

    

   Kad u ustima topiš moje ime

   zaklela bih se da je to neko drugo ime

    

   Kad mi ustima ljubiš obraz

   zaklela bih se

   da to nije moj obraz

6. Concrete / Cementna

   

   

   ENGHRV

   My friends live in gaps between the wardrobe and the wall

   that are impossible to reach

   as I stretch my arms, a web of silence

   enters my mouth; they are the shady silence of plaster

   I tell her: choose a picture frame

   and stick your scalp through its hollow body

   push the supple roots of hair untouched by sun

   sprinkled with flour

    

   sneak out of his kitchen or jump through the window

   from the tenth floor, you'll land on the atoms of possibilities

   like the ashen flowers in the district park

   
   Your eyes: symbols for bursting, heavy breasts

   sagging from your father's eyes, from equine milk, and presents

   that shed from your skin instead of your husband's cruel lips

    

   His words gather in your bellybutton

   and crawl to your neck, like cypresses in the cemetery

   and suddenly, instead of dust, it is you hanging from the chandelier

    

   My friends are mine because they are no one’s

   they only listen to themselves and touch only themselves

   my friend is the table leg

   whose splinter pierces your thumb while moving house

    

   My friend: a small plastic ball

   filled with brown fluid

    

   My friend is a curly hair

   in the drain of her throat

    

   He tells her: together we drew boundaries

   to clean furniture together

   She tells him: it's easy to fall apart, it's hard

   to pierce a pea with your fork
   
   My friends are the first sorrows

   whom I genuinely loved

   
   They are the first to make decisions

   and the only ones to carry them through

    

   My friends are tall buildings

   whose hands hold the foundations

    

   My friends are an airplane

   with concrete legs

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Moji prijatelji žive u prostorima između ormara i zida
   koje je nemoguće dosegnuti

   
   Koliko god istezala ruke, paučinasta šutnja

   ulazi u moja usta; moji su prijatelji tamna tišina kreča
   Kažem joj: odaberi okvir za sliku

   i promoli kroz njegovo prazno tijelo
   svoje tjeme
   mekano korijenje kose do koje sunce ne dopire

   posuto brašnom

   
   iskradi se iz njegove kuhinje ili skoči kroz prozor

   s desetog kata
   dočekat će te čestice mogućnosti

   kao pepeljasto cvijeće kvartovskog parka

   
   Tvoje oči: simboli za prepune, otežale grudi
   obješene od očevog pogleda

   konjskog mlijeka i poklona
   koji su izostali s tvoje kože
   umjesto muževih okrutnih usana

   
   Njegove riječi skupljaju se u tvom pupku

   preko trbuha penju se do vrata
   te su riječi čempresi s groblja
    

   i odjednom, umjesto prašine

   ti si ono što visi s lustera

    

   Moji su prijatelji moji jer nisu ničiji
   jedino sebe slušaju, sebe dodiruju

   i samo sa sobom plaču

   Moj je prijatelj noga stola
   čija se špranja zabada u meso kažiprsta

   pri selidbi

   
   Moj prijatelj: mala plastična kugla
   ispunjena smeđom tekućinom
   
   Moj je prijatelj kovrčava dlaka

   u odvodu njezinog grla
   
   Kaže joj: skupa smo stvarali granice

   da možemo zajedno brisati namještaj

   Kaže mu: lako je raspasti se, teško je

   vilicom nabosti grašak

   
   Moji su prijatelji prve tuge

   koje sam mogla istinski voljeti

    

   Oni će prvi donijeti odluke

   i jedini ih dosljedno provesti

    

   Moji su prijatelji visoke zgrade

   koje se rukama drže za temelje

   
   Moji su prijatelji avion

   s cementnim nogama

7. Oval / Ovalna

   

   

   ENGHRV

   To admire a bee: she wakes up early and flies around darkness

   and, instead of pollen, gathers the shine of a sleeping

   balcony railing, so smooth it seems to

   overflow with water

   and that surface sticks to her feet

   like she stepped in honey, and

   she falls to the floor in sorrow and stops

    

   This happens to me every morning

    

   To admire a fish: she gets hooked by choice

   she was put there by the fingers of a round sun, whose

   meaty forefinger and thumb flattened her mouth into an oval wound

   and dropped in it a rhetorical question

   It's the skill of using your body as someone else’s corpse

   and cheating your own expectations

   without disappointing anyone

    

   This wound doesn’t hurt, you were born with it

    

   And to run, to admire ropes

   and their ability to both engulf and miss

   the middle of the neck they're choking

   to run with your rope after yourself

   like flying a kite with no wind

   to blindfold yourself

   with arms you turned to fences

    

   hooks and ropes

   To celebrate in the dark the sarcasm of a Monday

   a calendar where every animal looks the same

   every stomach the same

   where beaks are on giraffes

    

   and spheres at markets

    

   To scrape off your skin

   scan it in the park

   and mail it to yourself

    

   To do something new, unexpected

   Like spilling apple juice

   Translated by Hana Samaržija

   Diviti se pčeli, ona se probudi prerano

   pa sama obleti mrak

   i umjesto peludi, pokupi sjaj usnulog

   toliko glatkog ruba balkona, da se čini da niz njega

   svo vrijeme teče voda

   Ta joj se površina lijepi za noge

   kao da je stala u med

   i ona od tuge padne na pod i prestane:

   ovo mi se događa svakog jutra

    

   Diviti se ribi, ona je na udicu došla namjerno

   stavili su je na nju prsti velikog, okruglog sunca

   Mesnati, grubi palac i kažiprst

   spljoštili su joj usta u ovalnu ranu

   i u nju posadili retoričko pitanje

    

   Ta rana ne boli, s njom si se rodila

    

   U mraku slaviti sarkazam ponedjeljka

   kalendara u kojem svaka životinja izgleda isto

   svaki želudac isto

   kljun se nalazi na žirafi

   kugla na tržnici

    

   Sastrugati sa sebe svoju kožu

   skenirati je u parku

   i poslati je sebi mailom

    

   Napraviti nešto novo, neočekivano

   Možda proliti sok od jabuke