Radmila Petrović

Poetry

1. They Told Me Belgrade Is a City Where You Can’t Look Anyone in the Eye / Govorili su mi da je Beograd grad u kome nikog ne smeš da pogledaš u oči

   

   

   ENGSRP

   i am a ladykiller-girl

   i carry a penknife in my pocket

   and wires in my bra

   i can’t talk about movies

   i can sow onions and green peas the right way

   and i know that the tractor wheels only go straight

   when there’s no hydraulic oil left in it

   but he doesn’t care about all that

    

   he’s a lady man

   doesn’t know how familial systems

   function with axes

   pitchforks and rakes

   he knows all the appropriate wines

   and the overhyped overcoats

   but i’m not interested in all that

    

   fuck it, little one, he says

   i too remember

   that great heat

   in that summer in the raspberry shrubs, and the small pay

   so we blocked the tracks

   we overturned the police cars

   and one of the gendarmes

   had eyes just as shimmery

   and a look which moved spoons

    

   an order was given

   the police cordon must not be broken

   but the pay was little

   we couldn’t pay the workers

   and they were all

   some lady men in armour

   which the women from my village

   were puncturing with stones.

    

   where i grew up

   you don’t treat people tenderly

   tenderness is reserved

   for the kittens born in the stable

   you learn some tricks there

   and then move on

   looking for a foolproof man

    

   when you find him the war begins

   a war for which you’ve no strategy

   as love is simple

   and you’re first and foremost a girl

   and some battles

   you don’t enter in order to win

   Translated by Snejana Ung and Rareș Călugăr

   ja sam šmeker-devojka

   imam perorez u džepu

   i žice u brushalteru

   ne znam da pričam o filmovima

   znam kako se sade luk i grašak

   i da točkovi traktora idu samo pravo

   kad nestane ulja za hidrauliku

   ali njega to ne interesuje

    

   on je muškarac-dama

   ne zna kako funkcionišu

   porodični sistemi sa sekirama

   vilama i grabuljama

   zna koja su vina dobra

   koji kaputi preplaćeni

   ali mene to ne zanima

    

   mala, zajebi, kaže

   i ja se setim

   kako je vrućina bila velika

   tog leta u malinama, a cena niska

   pa smo blokirali prugu

   prevrnuli maricu

   i da je jedan iz žandarmerije

   imao isto tako sjajne oči

   i pogled koji pomera kašike

    

   bilo je naređenje

   ne sme se probiti kordon

   ali cena je bila niska

   nismo mogli radnike da isplatimo

   i sve su to bili

   neki muškarci-dame u oklopima

   koje su žene iz mog sela

   probijale kamenjem

    

   tamo gde sam odrasla

   nežnost se ne iskazuje prema ljudima

   ona se čuva

   za mačiće što se okote u štali

   tamo naučiš neke fore

   onda odeš daleko

   i tražiš muskarca koji na njih ne pada

    

   kad ga sretneš počinje rat

   za koji nemaš nikakvu strategiju

   zato što je ljubav jednostavna

   a ti si pre svega devojka

   i u neke bitke

   ne ulaziš da bi pobedila

2. The Economics of Desire / Ekonomija žudnje

   

   

   ENGSRP

   you know how my grandma was

   she looked after children in Herceg Novi

   he hit the walls with a spatula 

   the walls in the neighbourhood

   then she got married

    

   the winters were long

   the firewood was used up

   she lit a fire

   he hit her head with weaver’s shuttles

    

   wherever I go

   I say I am not from here

   I belong to the lowlands

   where the neighbours long ago

   buried a rotten egg on our side

   of the border,

   but not to the people who populate the lowlands

    

   in the first years of school I used to dream

   that they were coming after me to slaughter me.

   in later classes I dreamed of a B in mathematics

   at university I didn’t make a fuss

    

   at night I hear the glaciers melting in the north

   landslides that bury America beneath them

   serves them right!

   say the people from my village

    

   my breasts are still 

   as my grade in mathematics used to be

   the Petrović girl, a thin two!

   the teacher used to say when handing out the maths tests

    

   they still ask me about you, it hurts

   it’s much more painful

   than when they asked me at school

   which letter it is that I can’t pronounce

   oh you motherfuckers

   then go and say yourselves what you can’t say, I thought

    

   you will be rich

   that’s the way you’ve always acted

   but I didn’t tell you

   I’ve always dreamt that you’d walk towards me

   where even the bourgeois go empty-handed

    

   I have always wished

   you to come into my arms

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   znaš kakva je bila moja baba
   čuvala je decu po Herceg Novom
   on mlatio mistrijom
   po zidovima u komšiluku
   pa se udala

    

   zime su bile duge
   kubici drva se pogoreli
   ona je palila vatre
   on tresao čunkove o njenu glavu

    

   gde god sad da odem
   kažem nisam odande
   pripadam poljani,

   tamo gde su komšije odavno

   zakopale mućak sa naše strane međe,
   ali ne i ljudima koji su je naselili

    

   u nižim razredima sam sanjala
   kako me jure da me kolju
   u višim četvorku iz matematike
   na fakultetu nisam dizala bune

    

   noću čujem topljenje glečera na severu
   klizišta kako zatrpavaju Ameriku
   tako im i treba!
   govore ljudi iz mog sela

    

   grudi su mi i danas
   kao nekad ocena iz matematike
   Petrović, mršava dvojka!
   rekla bi nastavnica dok deli zadatke

    

   i dalje me pitaju o tebi, to boli
   mnogo više nego
   kad su me u školi pitali
   koje slovo ne znam da kažem
   pa pička vam materina

   recite vi ono što ne znate, mislila sam

    

   bićeš bogat
   kako si se stalno i ponašao
   a nisam ti rekla
   oduvek sam maštala da kreneš ka meni
   onde gde i buržuji kreću praznih ruku

    

   uvek sam želela
   da dođeš u zagrljaj

3. The Curse of the Woods / Prokletstvo šume

   

   

   ENGSRP

   does never came near the households
   we would see them when we headed uphill
   to pick rosehips for jam

    

   one summer while mowing a meadow
   Father accidentally mowed a fawn
   the mountain wailed at sunset

    

   ever since that day I have always
   walked in front of the mower
   moved rabbit kits out of the way
   catapulted snakes with a pitchfork

    

   ever since that day I have carried the curse of the woods

    

   your doelike heart sees yellow hunting dogs
   in my eyes
   my fingers feel like blades of a mower

    

   You can’t do this anymore, you said

    

   Mother put my legs out with the hay
   this morning
   for the cows

   Translated by Jovanka Kalaba and edited by Ellen Elias-Bursać

   srne nisu prilazile domaćinstvima

   viđali smo ih kad krenemo uz brda

   da beremo šipurke za džem

    

   jednog leta tata je zajedno

   s livadskom travom pokosio lane

   u sumrak je planina zaplakala

    

   od tada sam uvek

   hodala ispred kosačice

   pomerala tek rođene zečeve

   zmije katapultirala vilama

    

   od tada nosim prokletstvo šume

    

   tvoje srce srne u mojim očima

   vidi žute lovačke pse

   umesto prstiju noževe kosačice

    

   ne možeš više, javio si

    

   noge mi je zajedno sa senom

   mama jutros položila kravama

4. Forest, Plow, Primrose / Šuma, plug, jagorčevina

   

   

   ENGSRP

   I feel the souls of female
   ancestors
   who suffered at men’s
   hands

    

   they clung to me when
   I left for Belgrade
   and now they won’t go home either

    

   they say to me: slice them like aspic!

    

   with a look or
   a kitchen knife?
   or the penknife I carry in my pocket?

    

   I will, just not this one
   especially this one! they order me

    

   of all I could have been in the world
   I was just a woman, says
   Radovanka
   in the countryside, we never thought
   much of dogs
   and being a woman was worse than being a dog

    

   your great-grandfather was like a spring
   says Dobrosava, cold and
   cross
   we slept in a brandy vat
   when he brought me to this house
   he hanged me like a cat that ate all the chickens

    

   and all that was because of the brandy

    

   strength, don’t let yourself be
   anyone’s

    

   get out of my poems!
   you too only wanted sons
   who later smashed your
   heads

    

   you learned nothing from misery,
   old women
   it was all in vain

   Translated by Jovanka Kalaba and edited by Ellen Elias-Bursać

   osećam duše ženskih predaka

   koje su nastradale od muške ruke

    

   zakačile se za mene

   kad sam krenula u Beograd

   i neće ni one kući

    

   govore mi seci ih kao pihtije!

    

   pogledom ili kuhinjskim nožem?

   možda perorezom koji nosim u džepu?

    

   hoću, samo ne ovog

   naročito ovog! naređuju

    

   od svega što sam na svetu mogla biti

   bila sam samo žensko, priča Radovanka

   pse na selu nikad nismo cenili

   a biti žena bilo je gore od psa

    

   tvoj pradeda je bio kao izvor

   kaže Dobrosava, hladan i prek

   spavali smo u kaci za rakiju kad me je doveo

   vešao me je kao mačku koja je pojela sve piliće

    

   a sve je to i bilo zbog rakije

    

   snago, ne pristaj da budeš nečija

    

   izađite iz mojih pesama!

   i vi ste htele samo sinove

   koji su vam posle razbijali glave

    

   ništa iz muke niste naučile, babe

   sve je bilo uzalud

    

5. Mountain on fire / Planina u plamenu

   

   

   ENGSRP

   Daddy, in this daughter you have a little bit of a son

   that you have wished for so much

   not only in the way I walk

   or dance to the songs of Sinan Sakić

    

   at times the blood of my forefathers flows through me

   my elders who killed their wives

   and took the neighbours’ kids from the cherry tree with their rifles. 

    

   maybe I, too, could

   harness the oxen early in the morning

   and build up something that 

   I’ll smash to bits later

    

   what drives a man to take a hammer

   to attack his own dreams? 

    

   I could wake up and say

   wife, prepare me a roast chicken for lunch.

   today I don’t want to work

   I dreamt I was God

    

   Daddy, in this daughter you also have 

   a bit of a son who was not born

    

   saved was a woman

   of male blood full of crowbars

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   tata, u ovoj ćerki imaš pomalo sina

   kog si mnogo želeo

   ne samo u načinu na koji hodam 

   ili igram uz pesme Sinana Sakića

    

   nekad kroz mene prostruji krv predaka

   onih što su ubijali svoje žene

   puškom skidali komšijsku decu s trešnje 

    

   možda bih i ja mogla 

   rano da upregnem volove 

   dugo gradim ono što ću kasnije

   da polupam

    

   šta to natera čoveka da krene

   na sopstvene snove čekićem?

    

   mogla bih se probuditi i reći

   ženo, ispeci mi kokošku za ručak

   danas ništa neću da radim

   sanjala sam da sam Bog

    

   tata, u ovoj ćerki imaš pomalo sina

   koji se nije rodio

    

   spašena je jedna žena 

   muške krvi po kojoj plivaju ćuskije

6. I am a Serbian girl, but Kosovo is not in my heart, you are / Srpkinja sam, al’ mi Kosovo nije u srcu, nego ti

   

   

   ENGSRP

   Dad first blamed the grandfather

   because granddad neither wanted to join

   the chetniks

   nor the partisans,

   so he ended up being chased by both the one and the other

    

   then he blamed the president

    

   always blamed America

    

   here you had to go to war if you didn’t have 

   any connections within the draft board

    

   Mr. General

   we would have won the war if only you had known

    

   a woman in love

   is more dangerous than a NATO tank

    

   her missile defence

   she carries in her breast

    

   her hips are always

   in fighting position

    

   She is lucky enough 

   not to step on a mine with her heel

    

   for God’s sake, man, why don’t you just get some sleep

    

   regarding the Kosovo problem

   Mr. General

    

   peonies bloom

    

   in my pants

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   tata je prvo kukao na dedu

   što nije hteo

   ni u četnike 

   ni u partizane

   pa su ga ganjali i jedni i drugi

    

   onda na predsednika

    

   uvek na Ameriku

    

   ovde se u rat išlo ako nemaš 

   vezu u vojnom odseku

    

   generale

   pobedili bismo da si znao

    

   jedna zaljubljena žena

   opasnija je od NATO tenka

    

   protivraketnu zaštitu

   nosi u grudima

    

   bokove uvek drži

   u borbenom položaju

    

   sreće ima toliko

   da štiklom ne potrefi minu

    

   pobogu čoveče, naspavajte se

    

   u vezi s kosovskim pitanjem

   generale

    

   božuri cvetaju

    

   u mojim gaćicama

7. I dream of my father and knives, knives, knives / Sanjam oca i noževe, noževe, noževe

   

   

   ENGSRP

   I remember we were listening to the news together: 

    

   in Montenegro, a bill had been introduced 

   for same-sex marriage 

    

   when you got up, you made the sign of the cross and said

   Montenegro, now you are even more black 

    

   again you blamed America, but, Dad, 

   unlike Lidl, love is not something coming from the West 

    

   You will go to all the miracle healers, only to save me

    

   It won’t help though, I will still be thinking of her

   while you will be thinking of the woman you usually think of

   when we listen to the songs of Šaban Šaulić

    

   hey, Daddy, you’re gonna have a gorgeous daughter-in-law

    

   this badass of a girl knows how to shoot

   you can flip the apple sky high

    

   yes, Daddy, you’ll have a daughter-in-law, 

   if not a son

   you see, it goes to show just how creative God is

   Translated by Maša Dabić

   sećam se, zajedno smo slušali vesti:

    

   u Crnoj Gori donet predlog zakona

   o istopolnim brakovima

    

   kako si ustao, prekrstio se i rekao

   Crna Goro, postala si još crnja

    

   opet si psovao Ameriku, ali, tata

   nije ljubav Lidl da dođe sa Zapada

    

   obići ćeš sve vračare da me spasiš

    

   nema vajde, ja ću misliti o njoj

   ti o ženi na koju inače misliš

   kad slušamo Šabana Šaulića

    

   hej, tata, imaćeš divnu  snaju

    

   ta delija devojka  zna da puca iz puške

   možeš u nebesa da vineš jabuku

    

   da, tata, imaćeš snaju  iako nemaš sina

   vidiš koliko je domišljat Bog

8. The Language of Plants / Jezik bilja

   

   

   ENGSRP

   Mama, I dream of meadows
   letting cows out to graze
   rains that make our language of plants
   branch and grow

    

   around whose neck
   sentences will wrap like ivies
   as they dissolve the facades
   of family houses

    

   Mama, I live in a city
   but I’m a miner
   trapped under burdens of the land

    

   that so far has
   come down through the male line
   and when I was born
   it became a dowry

    

   as the sun sets down
   the boundaries of our land are outlined
   on my palms

    

   much like the sound of water
   a second before boiling
   so I hear the thriving of our
   plants
   some words are so tender
   that we keep them in greenhouses

    

   should we let them in on it, Mama?
   the language of plants
   has nothing to do with where you’re from

    

   the language of plants is spoken by a mother and
   a daughter
   when they don’t talk enough

   Translated by Jovanka Kalaba and edited by Ellen Elias-Bursać

   mama, sanjam livade

   jutarnje izvođenje krava

   kiše od kojih se grana

   i narasta naš jezik bilja

    

   oko čijeg će se vrata obaviti

   rečenice-bršljani

   kad rastvore fasade porodičnih kuća

    

   mama, živim u gradu

   ali ja sam rudar

   zatrpan pitanjima zemlje

    

   koja se do sada

   nasleđivala po muškoj liniji

   a kad sam se rodila

   ona je postala miraz

    

   u suton se međe

   ocrtavaju na mojim dlanovima

    

   poput zvuka vode

   sekundu pre ključanja

   tako čujem bujanje naših biljaka

   neke su reči toliko nežne

   da ih čuvamo u plastenicima

    

   da li da im otkrijemo, mama?

   jezik bilja

   nema veze s tim odakle ste

    

   jezikom bilja govore majka i ćerka

   kad ne pričaju dovoljno

9. If There's Love, Then There's Love / Ako je ljubav, onda je ljubav

   

   

   ENGSRP

   she's dangerous

   her lips are the poetry

   i'll never read

    

   she came right on time

   like a bountiful year

   lit the flame without a thought

   to how bright i could burn

    

   she's the meanest to herself, but to me she was

   a gold bar from the federal reserve

    

   she's enough for the dollar to go up

   and for the Mexican cotton exporters

   to bloom before it 

    

   she won't answer, though, won't answer!

   and i have so many lies to tell her

    

   that i won't wait for her

   that i don’t understand her

    

   and how i'm listening to dad, but he wants someone plucky

    

   to till the earth underneath the raspberry bushes

   to stand guard by the beech plots and the dirt

   under the nails

   Translated by Snejana Ung and Rareș Călugăr

   ona je opasna

   njene su usne poezija

   koju neću pročitati

    

   došla je taman kad je trebalo

   kao rodna godina 

   zapalila vatru ne znajući 

   koliko jako mogu da gorim

    

   najgora je sebi, a meni je poluga

   od zlata iz trezora federalnih rezervi

    

   ima je dovoljno da dolar apresira

   i izvoznici pamuka iz Meksika 

   procvetaju pre njega

    

   ona se ne javlja, ne javlja se!

   a toliko laži imam da joj kažem

    

   da je neću čekati

   da je ništa ne razumem

    

   i kako slušam tatu, a on hoće deliju

    

   da okopa poljanu pod malinama

   čuva hektare bukovine i smonicu

   pod noktima

10. All I want is someone to dismantle my Dad’s tractor with in peace and quiet / Samo želim nekog da rasklopimo traktor mog oca u tišini

    

    

    ENGSRP

    I am a ladykiller-girl

    I carry a penknife in my pocket

    and wires in my bra

     

    I took a mortgage on my heart

    wanted to build a house together

    now I’m not even sure

    if any of those people had ever loved me

     

    but I let the past be past

    I, Daddy, am the first one to break through the blanket of snow

    and blossom, like hellebore

     

    I was picky about food, I got up late

    nothing will ever come of the likes of you, you said

     

    but do you know, Daddy, what kind of woman I will be

    as strong as e-mail passwords

    I won’t wear make-up, I’ll have a healthy diet

    on my forehead it will say “organic”

     

    at night I will walk around alone

    I’ll be a girl like yarrow

    a woman you would never want to marry

     

    I will survive when lightning strikes

    in substations, when the news anchor says

    do not leave the house without necessity

    and when pensioners break their hips on the pavement

     

    I am alone, Daddy, for I am a girl like sharp crowfoot

    I am balm when you press me to the skin

    but if you keep me for too long, I’ll crack open your wound

     

    I am a fresh plant, Daddy, and I am the dry plant 

    in the attic waiting for you to pour the tea

     

    alas, I never had the feeling that I was

    Mother’s or your delicate little plant

     

    but, I have forgiven

     

    the tractor started at dawn and returned

    when it became dark

     

    it was not the time

    but my parents who have worked hard for me

    Translated by Maša Dabić

    ja sam šmeker-devojka

    imam perorez u džepu

    i žice u brushalteru

     

    stavljala sam srce pod hipoteku

    htela da gradimo dom

    sad nisam sigurna

    da li me je iko od tih ljudi voleo

     

    ali pustila sam prošlost da to i ostane

    ja se, tata, prva  probijam  kroz sneg 

    i cvetam, kao kukurek

     

    birala sam hranu, ustajala kasno

    nema od takvih ništa, govorio si

     

    a znaš kakva ću ja, tata, biti žena

    jaka kao šifre na imejlu

    neću se šminkati, hraniću se zdravo

    na mom čelu pisaće organik

     

    noću ću hodati sama

    biću devojka-hajdučka trava

    onakva kakvu nikad ne bi oženio  

     

    opstaću kad gromovi udaraju

    u trafostanice, kad spiker govori

    ne izlazite bez preke potrebe

    a penzioneri lome kukove na trotoaru

     

    sama sam, tata, jer ja sam ljutić-devojka

    melem, ako me prisloniš na kožu

    a kad me držiš predugo, otvaram  rane

     

    ja sam sveže bilje, tata, i suvo sam bilje

    na tavanu koje čeka da pristaviš čaj

     

    samo nikad nisam osetila da sam 

    majčina ili tvoja dušica

     

    ali, oprostila sam

     

    traktor je startovao u zoru i vraćao se

    kad padne mrak

     

    nije vreme 

    za mene su naporno radili moji roditelji