(hrv. špaga, /ʃpǎːɡa/; eng. rope, /roʊp/)
In the abyss
at the base of the gutter
all curled up in threads of Špaga
I, Špaga
slowly unroll the heavy filament-ball
at the base of the gutter
Š and paga
Špaga
on which we climb
towards the summit-high meadow
we climb
slowly
on the meadow an island
where fairies bathe
in scorching oil
gold
trickling from above
from the tallest island-mountain
drops of oil gold
I tilt my head
so I can see them better:
in the abyss
at the base of the gutter
Š and paga
we climb
the tallest mountain
below us scorching oil gold
Špaga
below
an entire island burns
at the mountaintop
ancient wizards
lizard-like, deathless, their mage-hats broken halos
smelt your name
into
gold
oil
trickling downwards
into the abyss
to the bottom of the gutter
you are adding gold
to the fire
climbing Špaga
I look at our palms, clenched
I and the abyss
we climb
one wizard invokes their god and looks to the sky
we climb
to the only cloud
it's above-the-world height
contains gods feasting on songs and images
we stay for a moment
drink wine from the goblet
gods sometimes whisper down to the wizard,
something in the ear
intentionally false
you and me,
passerby-like, we hear their whispers
and laugh
our laughter mirrored by the stars
we climb
to the crown of the mountain
at the top
colossal minds of stars
rapt by existential questions
they mourn, love, rejoice, build civilisations,
go off their minds and die and are born
as suns or souls
the youngest fall to the gods
the oldest vanish to even greater heights
and become eyes
Š and paga us
we climb
------
Š. Š! Š? Without your stinger
which knows and penetrates
I am nothing.
To die is painful
also, death - it's a necessary prerequisite
also, not mine to fulfill.
However.
How would that be
how would it be
if I now decide
to rule?
Alone. Yes.
Alone.
Or
no.
But
Š is very scary.
He likes to die.
I can understand him.
But more than everything
I fear him.
I don't want to die again.
It hurts.
I don't know.
Yes.
I have decided – may it stay as it is
I will never open my eyes,
I think,
I will rule!
paga!
Š! You already tied Špaga to the land
without my help
expected but incredible feat
for a newborn
Š
I'm glad to see you.
you you who are two, two arms one wind
paga
you you are weak scattered ambivalent
let me rule
Š to rule capital letter golden well
Š to whom the ocean depths are but surface of the iris
to whom all-universe is but a nostalgic photograph
of it's smallest part
taken form the perspective of a narrow perspective
without colour.
I, the great Š, tail and stinger
who knows every god by name
light that bursts in every darkness
behind the eyes
under the flesh
under the Adriatic floor I infiltrate
through the abyss between the legs of Prithvi Mata
I drink of Styx
under the under
I bring sacrifice for the loa
and Papa Legba whispers presents in the darkness
below
below the dark
deeper than Mictlan
in the bowels of Ereshkigal
and further down
to the source
where the end is oppositely mirrored
all the way I burst with light
dead until I wake
all the way
where even those most alive
even you you
sweet you you scales of Venus
doing your best to balance
where you you haven't even thought to step
I burst with light.
Š. You are awake. I see.
------
We met completely accidentally.
It was accidental, as a thunder is
when it strikes right through the moon
and doesn't stop at the ocean base
but goes deeper, into the crack
secret and unknown
where it settles and burns bright.
Already from the crack exits:
first something sharp and dangerous
a stinger
rising as a newborn
a related tail follows the stinger
chitinic, sedimentous, ancient
never moving
but wells upwards
slowly through the depths
never a body, only tail and stinger
infinite.
Below the tail's shadow
precariously, as if calculating
ascend the two metal arms
quickly they take the lead
balancing
something akin to suns
akin to eyes:
on one arm – a pile of bones
on the other – an explosion
both of the same weight.
Two unexplainable entities
climb a rope:
this image shone behind the eyelid
when I saw you.
I am the abyss
I am that which pulls him where he needs to go
and I sound like this.
Suddenly a feeling.
Of some kind...
An intense feeling
for which I have decided
that you will never owe me.
He thinks that I am an obstacle but no, no, no
no, I am – him
and he doesn't even notice me
he can only feel something
much more vast
let's have him
continue.
------
I wanted to tell you
but I smartly kept it for myself
while we talked
over the one beer
whose darkness spread as night over our table
the night entered though the front door
the night drifted into everything around us
into chatter, into music, into dancing bodies
from the first time I saw you
I wanted to tell you
you really look like
you look like
like a bored galaxy
like pure energy
like the only invisible flower in the world,
like a tree top without the trunk branches descend slenderly
out of every star growing illuminated out of night towards earth
everywhere except the ground you continue to float in sky's place,
you look like a doe
dreaming with open eyes.
------
Š! You approached her!
what do you you want
let me be
I'm doing it.
You aren't doing anything
this is doing you.
And now, me.
I gave you air
gave you wind
promised
you have promised
you wouldn't move
you promised!
And now the balance is disturbed
Š! Why did you lie to me?
Why did you approach her?
couldn't help myself.
it's in my nature.
you you knew it.
Is that so!
you you
now, calm down
listen to her talk: beautiful, hey
Hermes is with us!
look
you you
do you see what I see?
Beauty, yes.
You are shallow
always has been always will be.
Respect me more!
Without me you are
a moustache without a cat
a wave without wind
shouldn't have poured out of your depths
Š did you forget
we have so many things to do
we can't do it again
give ourselves to someone
it's empirically stupid
remember all the things
we have to do in solitude... Š...
...
she speaks so beautifully
she is beautiful
she is beautiful, Š.
you you are raving on
like reverse Krishna at more hotheaded Arjuna
speaking only the wrong things
you you speak as if I tricked you
but you you gave me air
and lent me the wind
what did you expect?
what did you really want?
you you knew
that I wouldn't stay still
when you gave me will
you you know that I am, whatever you may think of me, first and foremost
worshipper, priest and executioner of will
knew it all
and still
you gave
and you released –
for beauty!
all for
Aphrodite's eternal temporality
is that the only deity you you know?
you you are the shallow one
now it's clear to me
you you don't see what I see:
the goblet of Dionysus filling itself with wine, perpetually
as if by magic
and look, he spills it everywhere while he carries it and dances and drinks
the wine always filling the goblet
but it's never enough
not to one or to the other
never enough
to the wine nor to the god.
Translated by the author
U provaliji
na dnu
sklupčani u nitima Špage
ja Špaga
polako odmatam teško klupko Špage
na dnu
Š i paga
Špaga
po kojoj se penjemo
na najvišu livadu
penjemo se
polako
na livadi otok
oko njega
vile se kupaju
u vrućem ulju
ulje
zlato
curi odozgo
s najviše planine
s vrha otoka curi ulje zlato
naginjem glavu
da ih bolje vidim
u provaliji
na dnu
Š i paga
penjemo se
na najvišu planinu
ispod nas gori ulje zlato
Špaga
gori pod nama cijeli otok
Špaga
tamo na vrhu
prastari čarobnjaci
besmrtni gušteri sa šeširima od slomljenih aureola
tope tvoje ime
u
zlato
ulje
koje se slijeva prema dolje
u provaliju
na dno
dolijevaš zlato na vatru
penjemo se po Špagi
gledam nam u dlanove dok me stišću
ja i provalija
penjemo se
jedan čarobnjak zazove svoga boga i pogleda u nebo
penjemo se
na jedini oblak
tamo na vrhu
bogovi se gozbe pjesmama i slikama
stanemo na okrjepu
ispijemo vino iz kaleža,
bogovi čarobnjaku ponekad šapnu, prema dolje,
nešto u uho
namjerno krivo
a ti i ja
mi ih načujemo u prolazu
pa se smijemo
a smijeh nam odvrate zvijezde
penjemo se
na najvišu planinu
na vrhu
ogromni umovi zvijezda
zaokupljeni egzistencijalnim pitanjima
tuguju, vole, raduju se, grade civilizacije,
silaze s uma, umiru i rađaju se
kao sunca ili duše
one najmlađe padaju bogovima
one najstarije nestaju prema gore
postaju oči
Š i paga mi
penjemo se
----
Š. Š! Š? Bez tvoga šiljka
koji zna i prodire
ja sam ništa.
Umiranje boli
a umrijeti to je nužni uvjet
koji nije na meni da ispunim.
Ipak.
Kako bi to bilo
kako bi bilo
da ja sada
vladam?
Sam. Da.
Sam.
Ili
ne.
Ali
Š je strašan.
On voli umirati.
Razumijem ga.
Bojim ga se.
Ne želim opet umrijeti.
Umiranje boli.
Ne znam.
Da.
Neka ostane ovako kako jest
nikada neću otvoriti oči,
mislim,
ja ću vladati!
paga!
Š! Već si svezao Špagu za kopno
sam samcat
a tek si rođen
Š
drago mi je da te vidim.
ti ti koji si vi, dva kraka jedan vjetar
vi ste slabi raštrkani ambivalentni
pusti zato mene da vladam
Š da vlada veliko slovo zlatni bunar
Š prema kome je duboki ocean samo površina oka
prema kome je sve-svemir samo sjetna fotografija
njegovog najmanjeg dijela
uslikana iz perspektive uske perspektive
bez boje.
ja,
veliko Š, rep i šiljak
koji zna sve bogove ponaosob
bliješteći u svakom mraku
iza očiju
ispod mesa
ispod Jadranskog dna prodirem
kroz provaliju između nogu Prithvi Mate
napojim se Styxa
ispod sve ispod
prinosim žrtvu sebe u mraku loama pa
Papa Legba šapće darove
ispod
ispod mraka
dublje od Mictlana
sve do utrobe Ereshkigal
i dalje, ispod
do izvora, do početka
do samog ogledala kraja
sve do tamo bliještim mrtav
dok se ne probudim
sve do tamo
gdje i najživlji
ti ti slatki ti ti
Venerin otpadak
ti ti u svojem balansiranju
nisi ni zamišljao
da se može kročiti.
Š. Probudio si se.
----
Potpuno smo se slučajno upoznali.
Slučajno, kao što je grom slučajan
kada prođe ravno kroz mjesec
i ne zaustavi se na dnu oceana
nego još dublje, u tajnom procjepu
nepoznatom
gdje se nastani i rasplamsa.
Već iz procjepa izlazi
prvo nešto oštro i opasno
šiljak
izvire polako i nevino kao novorođenče
zatim njemu pripadajući rep
hitinski, sedimentni, prastari
koji nepomično
vrhom prema gore
prodire kroz dubinu,
nikad tijelo, samo rep
beskonačan.
Ispod repa,
iz sjene koju može bacati samo najdublje more,
polako, nesigurno, umorno
izlaze dva metalna kraka
toliko brzo da su već ispred repa
proviruju
balansirajući
nešto nalik suncima
nešto nalik očima:
na jednom kraku – hrpa kostiju
na drugom – eksplozija
oboje jednake težine
ta dva neobjašnjiva entiteta
penju se po užetu:
zabliještilo je iza zjenice
kad sam te ugledao.
ja sam provalija
ja sam ono što ga vuče tamo gdje treba ići
i zvučim ovako
Odmah me preplavi osjećaj
nekakav...
intenzivan osjećaj
za kojeg sam odmah odlučio
da mi ništa nećeš biti dužna.
on misli da sam ja prepreka
ali ne, ne, ne,
ne, ja sam – on
i on me uopće ne primjećuje
samo osjeti da postoji nešto
puno veće
pustimo ga
da nastavi
----
Htio sam ti reći
ali pametno sam prešutio
dok smo govorili
preko piva
čije se crno kao noć širilo po našem stolu
noć je ulazila kroz otvorena vrata
noć je lebdjela u sve oko nas
u žamor, u glazbu, u plešuća tijela
htio sam ti reći
ti izgledaš
izgledaš
kao galaksija kojoj je dosadno
kao čista energija
kao jedini nevidljivi cvijet na svijetu,
kao krošnja bez stabla koja vitko spušta svoje grane iz svih zvijezda raste svjetlom iz noći prema zemlji posvuda osim na tlu nastaviš lebdjeti umjesto neba
izgledaš kao srna
koja sanja otvorenih očiju.
----
Š! Prišao si joj!
šta je ti ti
pusti me
vidiš da
radim.
Ne radiš ti ništa
ovo radi tebe.
Sada i mene.
Dao sam ti zrak
dao sam ti vjetar
obećao si
ti si obećao
da se nećeš kretati
obećao si!
A sada je balans narušen
još jednom zbog ljepote
već vidim kako se u budućnosti raspadamo
Š! Zašto si mi lagao?
Zašto si joj prišao?
nisam si mogao pomoći.
to mi je u prirodi.
ti ti si to znao.
Dakle!
ti ti
sad se smiri
slušaj kako lijepo govori
hej
Hermes je uz nas!
pogledaj
ti ti
pogledaj
vidiš li što ja vidim?
Ljepota, da.
Površan si
uvijek bio uvijek ćeš biti.
Poštuj me više!
Bez mene si
brkovi bez mačke
val bez vjetra
trebao si ostati miran
ne izliti se iz svoje dubine
Š jesi li zaboravio
imamo toliko toga za napraviti
ne možemo
opet
dati se nekome
to je empirijski glupo
dokazali smo
sjeti se koliko toga treba još
napraviti u samoći... Š...
...
ona tako lijepo govori
lijepa je
lijepa je, Š.
ti ti obraćaš mi se
kao obrnuti Krishna brzopletijem Arjuni
samo krive stvari govoriš
ti ti govoriš kao da sam te ja prevario
a ti ti si mi zrak dao
i vjetar u leđa puhnuo
što si očekivao?
što si time htio?
ti ti znao si
da ja neću moći mirovati
dok mi šalješ volju
ti ti znaš
da sam, kakav god bio, ipak
štovatelj, svećenik i izvršitelj volje
ti si to sve znao
i svejedno si dao
i puhnuo –
zbog ljepote!
sve zbog
Afroditine vječne prolaznosti
je li to jedino božanstvo koje ti ti znaš?
ti ti si taj koji je površan
sada mi je jasno
ne vidiš ono što ja vidim:
Dionizov pehar koji se iznutra puni vinom
i prolijeva se posvuda po kopnu dok ga nosi i pleše i pije
vino uvijek preko vrha
ali nikada dosta
ni jednom ni drugom
nikada dosta
ni vinu ni bogu