"Poetry at null pointer exception" is a poetry collection that was initially envisioned as three separate books. However, all three parts share many common features, and since I’m still seeking funding for publishing the full collection in print and visibility is key in our world these days, I wanted to share selected works as a single project. Because of the key themes of Versopolis, I decided to select works centered around the topics of mental health and identity. I am happy to further modify it according to your needs – remove some or propose more. I can also read them either on a pre-recorded video (I'm attaching an example below) or as a live event – I am happy to collaborate however you see fit!
While the poems form distinct sections that can be turned into separate poetry books, they are also a natural continuation of each other: a story about a young queer person, almost a child at first, who discovers love, accompanying it sexual awakening, but also pain, and struggles with loneliness, depression, and other inner demons, exploring their uniqueness, vulnerabilities, and strengths. Recurring motifs include love, death, and violence in relationships—not just romantic ones. It's a record of the journey toward self-acceptance, amidst people and one's internal darkness, a shout of pain, a shout of triumph: the cry of a person being born into the world.
The parts—"16", "22" and “25”—derive their titles from the ages at which the author began writing them, spanning five, four and three years, respectively. They serve as a living diary and commentary on life events. Even when addressed to specific individuals, those individuals become symbols, archetypes, people anyone might encounter in their life. Throughout the collection, one can observe the lyrical subject maturing and evolving—from a teenager to an adult gathering the weight of experience.
Each poem is written in free verse and exists in two language versions—Polish and English. Most were originally written in English, and the Polish versions reflect the fluid gender identity of the author by alternating between masculine and feminine forms depending on the poem. These are not mere translations but rather artistic interpretations of the English versions. The poems are often raw, blunt, and direct—sometimes biting, sometimes filled with love.
What sets this collection apart from others on the market is not only the distinctive combination that makes up the author and the lyrical subject—a non-cisheteronormative individual, feeling foreign in their own country and an outsider in another, with loneliness as a central axis. The collection openly explores themes of disorders, love, and harm. Unlike the current wave of "Instagram poetry," these pieces, while concise, strive to maintain an artistic edge, steering clear of being just:
"a regular sentence
broken up
by several line breaks
for added
depth."
Due to the author's identity, it also does not conform to the typically "feminine" poetry in the style of Rupi Kaur, though themes of body and sensuality do appear. Additionally, the existence of dual language versions sets it apart—these versions engage in a dialogue with each other rather than serving as rigid translations, embodying the poetry of contemporary bilingual young adults.
It is illustrated by a photograph from a project centered around one of the author's pivotal life moments: a mastectomy, and the ensuing exploration of identity and origin.
To listen to a reading by the author click here.
The project is part of the subthemes Re-imagining identity through poetry, Healing Narratives - Poetry, Mental Health and Collective Trauma.
Author
Bell Smetek
Bells Smetek – Bells is an agender creator from Silesia, Poland. They spent a couple of years in Barcelona and now live in Cracow with their partner, three adopted cats, and a dog. They juggle life as an IT worker on the spectrum, raising their home zoo, completing a yoga teacher course, and creating. As a dog behaviourist, they help people better understand their dogs. They read and write prose and poetry in English and Polish. They hope.
Their poetry talks about love, death, sexuality, loneliness, identity as a non-cis-straight person, mental health issues, and the general exploration of one’s differences and similarities to others, one’s weaknesses and strengths. It’s poetry about life, with its violence and its softness, and a recording of one’s road to living with oneself, among people and in one’s own mind.
They write their poetry in English and translate into Polish. They publish on their social media as @seriobells and are hoping to gather enough resources to be able to publish their works in print some time in the future.
