beloved god

by Ana Pepelnik


beloved god

dear

beloved god.

It's hard

to start

 

when once

you've stopped.

So I'll tell

you

 

now. Thanks

for being there

for me while

I wasn't there

 

for myself. You were

in my universe

but together

with me so horribly

 

far. My second son

was born new

love we became

four. And may the

 

assistant at the clinic

have the chance to

make the world nicer

for someone. And may the

 

paediatrician at the maternity ward

have the chance to be

kind to at least one mother.

And it will be plenty. And may the

 

starved psychiatrist

at the psychiatry clinic

have the chance

to be loved. So she can

 

eat the chocolate

and be given love in kind.

And it will be plenty. And may the

gyneacologist

 

have the chance to be

blessed with her fifth child.

And it will be plenty. And may it

beloved god

 

may it please be destined

that the main fuse of

the shopping mall is blown out

one of these nigths

 

so that all those

fucking too bright lights go out

so I can go

to the garden and see

 

the stars. And may I

have the chance that

my love will be meant

for the crowds. Understood.

 

And may my death

be light. May it not

hurt.

No one. Beloved god.

 

May I see at least one firefly

and may it hold

my hand

before I fall asleep.

Translated by Ana Pepelnik and Jasmin B. Frelih

ljubi bog

dragi

ljubi bog.

Težko je

začet

 

ko enkrat

prenehaš.

In bom zdaj

povedala

               

tebi. Hvala

ker si stal

ob strani ko

si nisem stala

 

ob strani. Bil si

v mojem vesolju

ampak skupaj

z mano tako grozno

 

daleč. Rodil se je

drugi sin nova

ljubezen postali smo

štirje. In naj bo

 

asistentu na polikliniki

namenjeno da bo

vsaj nekomu polepšal

svet. In naj bo

 

pediatru v porodnišnici

namenjeno da bo

prijazen vsaj do ene mame.

In bo veliko. In naj bo

 

shirani psihiatrinji

na dežurni psihiatriji

namenjeno da bo

ljubljena. Da bo lahko

 

pojedla čokolado

in imela ljubezen vrnjeno.

In bo ogromno. In naj bo

ginekologinji

 

namenjeno da bo

blagoslovljena s petim otrokom.

In bo zadoščeno. In naj bo

ljubi bog

 

prosim  usojeno

da btc cityju pregori

glavna varovalka

sredi noči

 

da ugasnejo vse te

jebene presvetle luči

da bom lahko

v vrtu zagledala

 

zvezde. In naj bo

namenjeno da bo

moja ljubezen

za množice. Razumljena.

 

In naj bo

moja smrt lahka.

Naj ne boli.

Nikogar. Ljubi bog.

 

Daj da vidim eno kresničko

in me prime

za roko

preden zaspim.