by Andriy Bondar


I have a very good genetics

my grand-grandfather lived till 119 years and died with dignity

just went to the house and died

saying before that "Well, I will die" and my grandmother and his granddaughter

(when I hear this story, one hundred and the first time I can not resist laughter)

she even calms down: "oh no grandpa it's too early"

maybe my grandmother is telling half truth

or perhaps she's telling the truth but not till the very end

I can't say that she's lying because you shouldn't speak of the elders that way

but sometimes it seems to me that my grandmother blow it up a bit

119 years is too much even at the beginning of the twentieth century

but who knows? Anyway, those villagers have never been counted

moreover nobody issued documents to them then

but still – I have just fantastic genetics

whatever you're sain'

I have all the chances drag till eighty and if gerontology

will go on further in their scientific developments and invent

some new pills from eld in that case even up to ninety

you can survive

Another question is my current lifestyle

and how I'm wasting my health

how we all are wasting our fucking health up

we inhale tobacco fume drink chlorinated water

don't sleep at night get up at 12 o'clock we are stressing out

We cheat on our wives our wives cheat on us

every day we die from jealousy

We're watching our property holding tight our wallets in trolleys

we sit for hours in front of computers

On the one hand we're all around with a promotions of a healthy life

they're calling for healthy sex and cheering us up in every possible way

on the other hand it's so hard to put on a condom

already in 29 years it is so hard to put on a condom

it would be easier to wear it on, I do not say that I have problems with potency

there's few 29-year-old who have a problem with potency

but if I'll even for another month will hold my laptop on my balls

I won't be saved by any Spaniard fly or yohimbbe or even Viagra

but I cannot do it differently

I will continue to keep my laptop on my balls and

I will write my hopeless poems which are more and more oftenly called a stories

one older aunt - native sister of one Slovenian poet

who has been in the queue (for several years now) for the Nobel Prize -


and said: "Why do you call IT a poetry?"

oh no - I wanted to answer her - don't worry

I'm not going to compete with your brother

I'm still too young for a Nobel Prize

and I have a laptop on my balls and I don't know personally John Ashbury

and I don't have English translations

so chill out old woman don't worry about your brother

I will continue to keep my laptop on my balls because

I can't do it in a different way because it doesn't work that way

if you want you can call it stories if you want you can call it a dog crap

but I can't do it any other way

I can no longer afford to write with metaphors

to flirt with a tradition and to write about snails

maybe you are right and poetry is dead in me

(Lord again a metaphor) and I'm no longer a poet

and more so not a poet of culture or a poet of nature

I'm the poet who keeps the laptop on his balls

just call me so:

"Andriy Bondar - the poet who keeps the laptop on his balls"

You can possibly make me any better compliment

shall I explain you what is laptop?