the space-walk sutra i
»paranoids are not paranoid because they're paranoid, but because they keep putting themselves, fucking idiots, deliberately into paranoid situations.«
¬ thomas pynchon, ›gravity's rainbow‹
i. the theory of elevation
… but the worst thing about getting up here …
… or should i say out here …
… are the years down there, feeling like a loser,
acting in a deportment, movement, and melody unknown to yourself.
damned if you do and damned if you don't.
those months, years, and decades,
before you're singled out
by the anonymous inwit of fortune
out of a flawless multitude of recruits,
each equally able,
equally ambitious, sized, qualified,
and certainly equally crazy about space as yourself.