The Birth of a Stillborn

by Katja Gorečan


The Birth of a Stillborn

on that night she gave birth to a stillborn girl in her dreams

like all her mothers before her

she was in labour with the stillborn for a while

on her bed in her bedroom

there was nobody beside her

she was in labour and she was wordless


 

she didn’t yell

she didn’t scream

she was totally silent


 

when she’d released the child from her body

the child

that wasn’t breathing

wasn’t screaming,

wasn’t moving

she covered it with a white sheet

so that nobody may see

her stillborn child

that’s when her bed began to bleed

and in an instant she found herself in a white hospital

she’s lying facing away from us

the man approaches her to touch her

IN THIS MOMENT WE MUST REALIZE

she doesn’t feel anything anymore

SHE DOESN’T FEEL ANYTHING / SHE FEELS NOTHING

empty

she lies on the bed

calm

for a few minutes

rocking

for a few hours

in weightlessness

for a few days

nothing’s left anywhere

for a few months

where is the life that I’d given birth to

for a few years

for a part of her life

she covered her dead baby

so that nobody may see

she covered her dead

daughter with a white sheet

so that nobody may see

collapses with all her weight

her heart bleed

From an unpublished cycle of choreo-poems One Night Some Girls Somewhere Are Dying

Rojstvo mrtvega otroka

tisto noč je v sanjah rodila mrtvo deklico

kot vse njene matere pred njo

rojevala je mrtvega otroka nekaj časa

na svoji postelji v spalnici

nikogar ni bilo zraven nje

rojevala je in bila je brez besed

 

ni se drla

ni kričala

popolnoma tiha je bila

 

ko je otroka spustila iz svojega telesa

otroka

ki ni dihal

ni kričal

se ni premikal

ga je pokrila z belo rjuho

da ne bi nihče videl

njenega mrtvega otroka

takrat je postelja je začela krvaveti

v naslednjem trenutku se je znašla v beli bolnišnici

leži obrnjena stran od nas

moški pride do nje da jo poboža

V TEM TRENUTKU SE MORAMO ZAVEDATI

ona ničesar ne občuti več

ONA NE ČUTI NIČESAR/ NIČESAR VEČ

prazno

obleži na tej postelji

umirjeno

nekaj minut

zibljajoče

nekaj ur

v breztežnem stanju

nekaj dni

ničesar ni nikjer več

nekaj mesecev

kje je življenje, ki sem ga rodila

nekaj let

nekaj življenja

pokrila je svojega mrtvega otroka

da ne bi nihče videl

pokrila je svojo mrtvo

hči z belo rjuho

da ne bi nihče videl

pade s celotno težo na tla

krvaveti njenega srca

Iz neizdanega cikla koreopesmi Neke noči neke deklice nekje umirajo