when you walk it spurs itself, when i walk we sour each other like cowboys (my big butt and me)

by Marija Andrijašević


when you walk it spurs itself, when i walk we sour each other like cowboys (my big butt and me)

(at an exhibition)
i have been eying you in a kimchi jar for a little while.

i mean, the interesting thing is that you are not in the room at all.

i turn around. and around. i’m bored.

the belt around the waist is cutting into the young skin.

i am doubled up within. it will stop as soon as i forget what it looks like.

(at the hospital)

too little can be seen in the dark, just about as much as one can put up with.

scrooge, this way i don’t feel like putting up with anything. at all.

be good. you’re going to receive electroshock therapy.

they are exploring my brain with tricorders. removing all the spells

from my back, like phantoms.

david, they did things to me.        

at the entrance to the ct room there is an old X-ray machine.

some woman was explaining to a five-year old girl

what it was all for.

mom, are you a ra-di-ol-o-gist?

my mother exposed me to radiation.

(ninety-five and two thousand and six)

i would like to the pen to go to the page 344, but that page does not exist.

pen changed his name and address long a long time ago.

i walked into her room and said: i feel pain here, what is it?

and she said: nothing, everything’s going to be okay.

that’s why i hate her today. because nothing at all is okay.

because, ever since i’ve known her, all she ever does is lie to me.

because, ever since i’ve known you, all i ever do is lie to you.

but i have an excuse.

every time i start to count my toes in shame

i can say:

david, they did things to me.

Translation by Mario Suško

kad hodaš se mamuza, kad hodam se kaubojski mamuzamo (moja debela guzica i ja)

(na izložbi)

malo te promatram u tegli kimchija.

mislim, zanimljivo je da uopće nisi u prostoriji.

okrećem se. oko sebe. dosadno mi je.

pojas omotan oko struka urezuje se u mlado meso.

kutrim u sebi. prestat će čim zaboravim kako izgleda.

(u bolnici)

u mraku se premalo vidi, taman onoliko koliko čovjek može podnijeti.

scrooge, meni se ovako ne podnosi ništa. uopće.

budi dobra. tretirat ćemo te elektrošokovima.

trikoderima istražuju mozak. fantomski skidaju sve uroke s

mojih leđa.

davide, svašta su mi radili.

na ulazu za ct drže stari rendgen.

neka je žena objašnjavala petogodišnjoj djevojčici čemu je

to sve služilo.

mama, ti si ra-di-o-log?

moja je majka mene ozračila.

(devedeset i peta i dvije tisuće i šesta)
ja bih da pero ode na stranicu 344., ali ta stranica ne postoji.

pero je odavno promijenio i ime i adresu.

ušetala sam joj u sobu i rekla: mene tu boli. šta je to?

a ona je rekla: ništa. bit će sve u redu.

zato je danas mrzim. jer baš ništa nije u redu.

jer mi, otkako je znam, samo laže.

jer ti, otkako te znam, samo lažem.

al' imam opravdanje.

uvijek kad od srama počnem brojiti svoje nožne prste,

mogu reći:

davide, svašta su mi radili.