*

split into two sides we form two intersections.

i sleep under the traffic lights on the western side.

i take heed of the temperature beneath your legs.

i gave us time. we became part of the big plan.

love plus time equals the end. heartache.

deduction. deduction, my dear watson.

i cannot place you on a pedestal. it would not be right.

i am not able to cope with the risk of interpersonal relationships.

i’m sorry, he says. a blank look. a coffee filter. emotional distortion with the gas burner on.

you’ll never find your way out of this metaphor, will you?

tears acting as fuel setting my life in motion. paintings hanging all over the interior.

your fingers on the kidneys, your legs on the spleen. your lips all over the liver.

someone sewed on buttons all over my body. from neck to bellybutton. i am afraid to sleep on my stomach. i will open up to the world and tell them all my terrible secrets.

one should keep mum about you.

i’m letting you go.

this instant.

at once.

yes, at once.

now.

forgive me. kiss me. sleep with me under jupiter.

and the light is red. so they honk and swear. from within.

they’re forcing their way out. and they’ll open me up. someone will unbutton my coat.

i am resisting kindness. the one that used to take us by surprise in our static emotions.

i am distorting reality just like the space within me has been bending for years

in order to catch up with time

and make room for you.

in the end it consumed itself.

i’m exaggerating. maybe i’ll understand. maybe i’ll understand.

it is too late to talk and then make notes.

stop me. i cannot do it by myself.

the house i am building is made of hesitation and i am putting you up in it.

my line of work are inventions. i’m inventing myself. i am reinventing myself.

my responsibility ends once i destroy all the things that make “a couple”.

i am letting you go in neutral. downhill.

through reincarnation i will atone for the heartache i am causing myself.

sway with me. this reality cannot be changed. mustn’t be changed.

Translation by Mario Suško

*

podijeljeni na dvije strane činimo dva raskrižja.
ja spavam ispod semafora sa zapadne strane.
pazim na temperaturu pod tvojim nogama.
dala sam nam vremena. postali smo dio velikog plana.
ljubav plus vrijeme jednako je kraj. bol.
dedukcija. dedukcija, moj watsone.
ne mogu te dovesti na postolje. neće biti dobro.
ne snalazim se u riziku međuljudskih odnosa.
žao mi je, kaže. tup pogled. filtar za kavu. emocionalna distorzija iznad otvorenog plina.
nikada nećeš pronaći izlaz iz ove metafore, zar ne?
suze kao gorivo za pokretanje mog života. slike obješene po interijeru.
tvoji prsti na bubrezima. tvoje noge na slezeni. tvoje usne po jetrima.
netko mi je zašio botune po tijelu. od vrata do pupka. bojim se spavati na stomaku. otvorit ću se svijetu i ispričati svoje strašne tajne.
treba šutjeti o tebi.
pustit ću te.
ovaj trenutak.
odmah.
da, odmah.
sad.
oprosti mi. poljubi me. spavaj sa mnom ispod jupitera.
a na semaforu je crveno. pa trube i psuju. iznutra.
probijaju se prema van i otvorit će me. netko će otkopčati moj kaput.
odupirem se dobroti. onoj koja nas je znala zaskočiti u statičkim emocijama.
iskrivljujem stvarnost k'o što se prostor u meni godinama krivio da bi sustigao
vrijeme i napravio mjesta za tebe.
na kraju je pojeo sam sebe.
karikiram. možda shvatim. možda shvatim.
prekasno je da pričam pa zapisujem.
prekini me u ovom. ne mogu sama.
gradim kuću od premišljanja i nastanjujem te u njoj.
bavim se izumima. izumljujem se. izbezumljujem se.
moja odgovornost prestaje kad uništim sve što čini „dvoje“.
puštam te u leru. nizbrdo.
reinkarnacijom ću se iskupiti za bol koju si nanosim.
ljuljalj se sa mnom. ova stvarnost se ne da mijenjati. ne smije.