*

we have completed this marathon through our lives.

today we are knitting sweaters for new winters and someone else’s bodies.

she tells me that i don’t love you as much as i think i do and that i don’t even remember you.

she calls you a need.

i am looking at you through the green lenses of my glasses and through the blood that leaves traces around hangnails.

i tell her that i do love you as much as i think i do and that you don’t even need to be remembered.

you’re tied in my eyes by kinetic photography.

by the dispersion of a moment.

the space is guilty of the diffuseness of this love.

but it will never warm us, do you know that? the sun reflecting off her body.

i usually fall ill around one-fifty in the morning.

i turn out the lights and i live in the sweat of what illness is generating from within me.

metamorphoses in my existence being the only life within me.

manipulating the present day. setting the stage for common sense.

the strategy for a long, healthy and happy life.

because of you i started to categorize feelings as grave criminal offences.

i am serving the fourth of who knows how many life sentences.

because of you.

tomorrow they’re drawing a sample of my blood. maybe they’ll finally determine what’s wrong with me.

i tell her: he kept me on a leash. he controlled me. he taught me how to listen to thoughts. he rocked me in a cradle and touched my breasts.

he was the most beautiful chestnut ever found between mažuranić’s promenade and hajduk’s market.

he was a skill. breakfast in bed and a field of carnations made of squared paper.

she says that i don’t love you as much as i think i do and that one day i’ll get blown up with the dynamite that springs from devising reality.

and we were devising ourselves.

we were inventing ourselves.

i’m glad i…

held your hands. lay with you on antennas and went wild with you on the screens of modern world.

got buried with you in the snow of our white cheeks we find each other more beautiful that way.

carried your name in my pocket as a reminder of the greatness of the universe.

Translation by Mario Suško

*

istrčali smo ovaj maraton kroz naše živote.

danas pletemo džempere za nove zime i tuđa tijela.

ona mi kaže da te ne volim k'o što umišljam i da te se i ne sjećam.

ona tebe zove potreba.

ja te gledam kroz zelena stakla svojih naočala i kroz krv što ostavlja tragove oko zanoktica.

ja njoj kažem da te volim k'o što umišljam i da se tebe i ne treba sjećati.

vezan si u mojim očima kinetičkom fotografijom.

disperzijom trenutka.

prostor je kriv što je ova ljubav difuzna.

ali nikad nas neće ugrijati, znaš li ti to? to sunce što se odbija o njeno tijelo.

obično se razbolim oko jedan i pedeset ujutro.

pogasim svjetla i živim u znoju onoga što bolest porađa iz mene.

metamorfoze u mom postojanju kao jedino življenje u meni.

manipuliranje današnjicom. postavljenje scene za zdrav razum.

strategija za dug i zdrav i sretan život.

zbog tebe sam osjećaje počela kategorizirati kao teška kriminalna djela.

ja odrađujem četvrtu od tko zna koliko dosuđenih doživotnih.

zbog tebe.

sutra će mi vaditi krv. možda napokon ustanove što sa mnom nije u redu.

ja njoj kažem: vodio me na uzici. kontrolirao me. naučio me slušati misli. ljuljao me u kolijevci i dirao moje grudi.

bio je najljepši kesten ikad pronađen na potezu od mažuranićevog šetališta do hajdukovog placa.

bio je vještina. doručak u krevetu i polje karanfila od kockastog papira.

ona kaže da te ne volim k'o što umišljam i da će me jednoga dana raznijeti dinamit proizašao iz osmišljavanja stvarnosti.

a mi smo osmišljavali sami sebe.

smišljali smo sami sebe.

trebalo je...

držati te za ruke. ležati s tobom na antenama i divljati po ekranima suvremenog svijeta.

zatrpati se u snijegu bijelih obraza jer smo takvi ljepši jedno drugom.

nositi tvoje ime u džepu kao podsjetnik na veličinu svemira.